Emmett's To Do List Before Your A Vampire
by Book-Luver-00
Summary: This is a one-shot! Everyone is away and it's just Bella and Emmett. What is on Emmett's to do list for Bella? What crazy things will Emmett make Bella do? Rated T!


**EMMETT'S TO DO LIST BEFORE YOU BECOME A VAMPIRE!THIS IS MY FIRST ONE-SHOT!!

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**BPOV (Day One)**

I woke up in Edward's bed to find a note, not Edward. Looks like he is gone hunting again. I sighed, and got up. I walked down the stairs. I wonder who is babysitting me this time. I'm tired of Edward treating me like a child just because I'm not some strong vampire. But I'm glad he cares. So who is staying with me? Alice? Rose? Esme? Carlisle? Jasper? I looked to see Emmett sitting on the couch with the biggest grin on his face.

"Hello, Bella," he said in a James Bond kind of voice. "It's so nice of you to join me,"

"Emmett, where is everyone?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Carlisle and Esme have gone on a trip. Jasper and Alice are on another honey moon. And Edward and Rose have gone hunting," he said smugly. "And they all won't be back until in Monday,"

"That's 5 days!" I exclaimed.

"I know. Cool right? You never get to spend time with Emmie Bear here ,because of Edward," he smiled.

"No. It's not cool," I said. I turned to go get my phone.

"I've hid your phone. So don't waste your time looking for it," he laughed.

"Emmett give me back my phone. I'm calling Edward," I said.

"Sorry, no can do," he laughed.

"And why not?" I asked.

"For two reasons. 1) I locked it in a box 2) I lost the key 3) I don't know where the box is," he said.

"You dumbass that was three reasons," I said. "Alice will see this coming , you know and come to my rescue," Emmett just laughed.

"Sorry, but when Jasper get's Alice 'busy'." he said using finger quotes. "She doesn't look out for you,"

"Gets busy," I said like a question, but oh I regret saying it like a question. Emmett informed me.

"You know, Superman and Wonder woman?Bonnie and Clyde? Fun time? Bed Roller Coaster?" Emmett said. "Sex?"

"Emmett I know what getting busy means!" I said covering my ears. He just laughed.

"Well, since Alice can't see you I thought we would have a little fun. Something I like to call Emmett's To Do List Before You're a Vampire," he laughed.

"And why would I do that?" I asked.

"Because if you don't I will tell Edward what you did with Mike," he said smugly.

He knew better then to bring up the time I had a dream about Mike, and talked about him in my sleep. Apparently Emmett wanted to see me sleep and I talked about marrying Mike. But Emmett didn't stay for the whole dream. I ended up killing Mike for his money and then I married Edward. Good dream. He has been holding it over my head for a good three weeks. Edward would get jealous and probably kill Mike, but Edward is still trying to push back his monster side and letting his human side come out. And his human side is just as bad as the monster side ,as he would call it.

"You wouldn't," I said narrowing my eyes.

"Try me, human," he said copying my expression.

"Fine, Emmett. What do we do?" I asked. He smiled. He jumped up and ran up stairs. Then he was back in a flash with a first piece of paper.

"First on my list. Get Bella dunk," he laughed. "Now where did Rose put my drivers liscenes?" he said looking in cabinets. Then he smiled and looked in the couch. "Found it!"

**Day One : Get Bella Drunk**

"Emmett I think you have enough alcohol," I said as Emmett put the fifth pack of Bud Lite, in the cart at Wal-Mart.

"Oh come on Bella, this is the only time you can get drunk. You won't be able to when your vampire," he said.

"You tried?" I asked.

"Yeah. I drank, I tried to get high too," he sighed. "Ah, good times,"

"Ok, your crazy. I'm leaving," I said. He grabbed my arm.

"I will put you in this shopping cart if you don't behave," he said. I pulled. Then he picked me up and placed me where the kids sit in the cart.

"Emmett I'm a grown woman! Get me the hell out of this," I said.

"No, you were causing trouble. Now you don't get the privilge to walk," he smirked as he got in line to pay. This is so unfair.

"Your amount is $66.99," the blond clerk said. She was practically drooling over Emmett. Emmett handed her his credit card.

"Where did you get a credit card? I thought Rose took them all away after the Twinky Factor experiance?" I asked.

"These are Jasper's credit cards," he laughed as he pushed me out of the Wal-Mart and to his big Jeep.

Three Hours Later

"Emmett *Hiccup* I love you *hiccup* man!" I yelled taking another sip of my beer.

"So are you liking the beer?" Emmett asked.

"Hell yeah!*takes another sip*" I yelled. Emmett just laughed at me. I look at the 7 empty beer bottles and laughed.

"I'm going to name you*hiccup* Edward Jr, Jasper Jr, Emmett Jr, Alice Jr.(pause to take another sip) Rosalie Jr, Carlisle Jr, and Esme Jr," I said naming each beer bottle.

"Ok, I think your ready for tequila," Emmett smiled putting out a big bottle.

"Ooo!Give it! Give it!" I yelled laughing.

"Oh, you want this? Huh girl? Huh?" Emmett teased.

"Give me the damn bottle!" I laughed. Emmett handed me the bottle. I popped off the top and cugged half the bottle.

"Aw man! You get to have all the fun!" Emmett said. "How about some music?"

"*Hiccup* Go for it *hiccup*," I said. Emmett turned on the music and Tequilia Makes Her Clothes Fall Off.

"OH!I love this song!" I yelled standing up. It took me a little bit.

**EmPOV**

"She'll start by kicking out of her shoes!" Bella yelled take off her shoes. Oh, no.

"Lose an earring in her drink!" Bella giggled taking another sip of tequilia

"Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall!" Bella said taking off her shirt. My mouth dropped.

"Drop a contact down the sink!" Bella said said removing her jeans to show that she was wearing Eddie boys boxers.

"Those panty hoes won't last to long if the DJ puts Bon Jovi on!" Bella said taking off her bra.

"She might come home in a table cloth!" Bella sang removing all her clothes. Oh god! Edwards going to kill me. Then all of a sudden Bella falls to the ground. I began laughing. She cuddle up to the little bottle in her hands.

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**BPOV Next Morning (DAY TWO: DO DOUGHNUTS WITH BELLA IN BABY)  
**

I woke up with my head killing me. I was in the floor surrounded by empty beer bottles and an empty tequilia bottle. I notice my clothes are all over the room. I'm covered in a blanket. Emmett walks into the room.

"Finally! It's 12! Man you crashed last night!" Emmett laughed. I clung the blanket to my body and stood up.

"It was funny when you were puking earlier. If I could pee my pants I would have when I say you removed all your clothes last night," Emmett laughed. I just stared at him.

"Come on get dressed! We have things to do!" Emmett said running to the garage.

I walked up to Alice's room and borrowed a pair of jeans and a shirt. I put my shoes back on and walked out to find Emmett in Jaspers car.

"No, no,no. We are not getting in baby," I said.

"Whose baby?" Emmett asked.

"Jasper's car. He named her baby since Alice wouldn't let Jasper name it after her," I said. Emmett began laughing.

"Get in, or else," he said. I don't want to find out what 'Or else,' means right now. I got in the car. Emmett pulled out and drove to the baseball clearing where I met James, Victoria and Lurrant. Emmett parked and laughed.

"Emmett, what are we doing?" I asked. Emmett reached in the back and pulled a helmet out of the back.

"Here put this on," Emmett said.

"Why?" I asked. He just looked at me. I put the helmet on and tighten it.

"Item number two: Get Bella's Heart Pumping," Emmett smiled as he played with the gas pedal.

"Emmett," I said. "Let's think about what could happen," I said calmly.

"1) We could crash and I could die! 2) I could live and tell Edward, then you would die," I said "I like option two,"

"On your market," Emmett said ignoring me.

"NO!" I said.

"Get set!" Emmett said.

"Damn it Emmett," I said

"GO!" Emmett yelled hitting the gas pedal. I went all the way back in my seat. Emmett began doing doughnuts. I was pressed against the door. Emmett was laughing.

"Emmett stop the car!" I yelled.

"NOPE!" Emmett laughed.

"Emmett stop the fucking car ,before I fuck up your fucking face do you fucking understand what the fuck I'm saying!" I yelled. Emmett kept laughing and doing doughnuts.

"Whoo!!!" he yelled.

"Emmett I'm going to fucking throw up all over this fucking car and Jasper is not going to be a fucking happy camper!" I yelled. Emmett stopped the car and I went forward and hit my head on the dashboard.

"Told you you would need the helmet," Emmett laughed. Then Emmett drove back to the house. I slowly got out of the car.

"Hey I'm going to need that helmet back," Emmett said. I took it off and puked all in it. I handed it to Emmett. "Um, thank you," he said making a face. I sighed in it was all over.

"Oh Bella don't look so relieved, this is only day two. See you tomorrow bright and early," Emmett smiled as he walked to the house. I made a run to my truck.

"I disabled the engine!" Emmett called from the house before I could get in the cab of my truck.

"Damn," I said. I sighed and walked to Edward's room. I took a shower , and then I crawled under the covers and closed my eyes. I'm going to kill Emmett.

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**BPOV MORNING (DAY THREE: CLIFF DIVING, NAKED)  
**

"Bella wake up!" Emmett said poking my nose.

"Emmett, I swear . . ," I said.

"Get up!" Emmett said picking me up . I struggled against his grip. It didn't work he just tossed me in the jeep and strapped me in real tight. We drove to a cliff I've never been to.

"OK, We are cliff diving," Emmett said.

"I've already been cliff diving," I told Emmett. He just smiled.

"Not, Emmett style," he smiled. He pulled me to the edge of the cliff.

"OK, what's Emmett style?" I asked.

"Strip girl," he said. I just stared at him. "Ok, either you take off your clothes , or I do,"

Day Three: Cliff Diving, Naked

I stared at a naked Emmett. He just laughed. We were both naked and it was getting really awkward, for me at least. Not naked lad over there.

"Emmett why do I have to be completed naked?" I asked.

"Because it's fun," he shrugged. "Alright , humans first," he said. I didn't move.

"Bella either you jump ,or I'm throwing you over the cliff. Either way your going," he smiled. I didn't move. He sighed and picked me up and jumped. I screamed all the way down. Emmett just laughed. He let go of me when we were in the water.

"I hate you Emmett," I said.

"Hey!Hey Bella– Oh my god," I turned to see Jake and the whole pack staring at me. I could feel my cheeks flush a deep red. Emmett just laughed.

"Emmett take me home, now," I said. He picked me up and carried me back to the jeep.

"This was Emmett's idea," I said passing Jacob. Emmett laughed.

"You know you loved it," he smiled. Once we were at our clothes I put them on and got in the car. But naked lad didn't feel like putting his clothes back on.

"Oh, cheer up Bella! I have something more fun planned tomorrow," Emmett said. I just looked out the window. Edward is soooo going to pay for leaving me with we were at the house I ignored Emmett and went straight to Edward's room. Where I stayed for the rest of the night. I kept my guard up in case Emmett attacks. But at some point I passed out.

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**BPOV (DAY FOUR: SEX TALK WITH BELLA)**

"Good morning Bella," Emmett said. He was acting normal. What does he have planned?

"Morning , Emmett. What's on today's list?" I asked.

"We're just going to talk, that's all," he said.

"Oh, ok," I said. I can handle this.

"Ok Bella. Having sex with a —,"

"NO! Not the sex talk!" I yelled.

"Oh, come on! I drew pictures!" Emmett said. "I did research. I worked really hard!"

Day Number Four : Sex Talk With Bella

Ten Minutes Later

I sat there staring at Emmett with my mouth wide open. He was playing, no excuse me, demenstrating how to use a condom.

"But condoms are useless," Emmett said throwing the thing at me.

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH ,EMMETT!" I yelled. He just looked at me.

"I've gotten drunk! I've done doughnuts with a crazy vampire! I've cliff dived naked! And the Sex talk over did it!" I said.

"Oh, come on! I'm just having fun," Emmett said.

"OUT!Emmett get out! And stay away from me!" I yelled. He walked away slowly.

"See you tomorrow for day five," he said leaving the room with a smile.

"I'm going to kill that vampire. I'm going to rip him apart and burn the pieces!" I mumbled to myself.

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**BPOV Next Morning. (DAY FIVE : PUSH BELLA DOWN FOUR FLIGHTS OF STAIRS WHILE HER ASS IS DUCT TAPED TO A WHEEL CHAIR  
**

"Emmett?" I asked coming into the living room. "I'm sorry, for being mean last night. Emmett?" I asked. Then I was hit over the head and knocked out. I woke up and I was duck taped to a wheel chair.

"EMMETT!" I yelled. He stood right in front of me.

"What? Your not going to ruin my fun that easily," he said. He put a piece of duck tape on my mouth.

"Ok. Time for the last thing on my list," Emmett smiled.

Day Five: Push Bella Down Four Flight Of Stairs Duct Taped To A Wheel Chair At The Hospital

"Ok, One. . . Two. . .THREE!" Emmett yelled pushing me down the stairs.

Thud, thud,thud,thud,thud,thud, wall.

Thud, ,thud,thud,thud,wall.

Thud, thud,thud,thud,thud,thud,wall.

Thud, thud,thud,thud,thud,thud,wall!

I hit the last wall and the wheel chair fell over. Emmett came running down the stairs at vampire speed. He took off the duct tape on my mouth. I let out a cry. My leg was broken!

"Bella are you ok? Wow! That was awesome!" he said. I didn't respond. I was thinking of ways to kill Emmett.

"Bella, are you ok?" Emmett asked. He saw my now broken leg. "Well at least we are in a hospital,"

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**EPOV**

I've been gone from my beautiful angel for five days, and I have missed her so much. I was bouncing in my seat to finally see her. Rosalie was laughing at me for being so excited.

"I hope Emmett didn't do anything stupid while we were gone," Rosalie said.

"Me, too," I said as I parked in the garage. I ran to the living room to find my beautiful angel with a cast on her leg at one end of the couch, and a scared Emmett on the other side.

"You won't believe the things I've seen, the things I've done with that dumbass on the other end of the couch," Bella said in a dark voice.

"Oh, Bella I'm so sorry," I said.

"Saying sorry won't make up for the fact Emmett got me drunk. And that I was in the same car as he did doughnuts! Or that I went cliff diving, naked! Or the fact Emmett gave me the sex talk! Or that Emmett pushed me down FOUR flights of stairs with my ass duct taped to a wheel chair! And you have the nerve to walk in here and say your sorry," Bella said.

"YOUR SORRY!" Bella said. I looked at Emmett.

"Hey in my defense, I was bored and she was around," Emmett said holding up his hands.

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**How was my first one shot???? I thought it was super funny!!!!**


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